Whats going on with me

I had a panic attack last week the first one i have has in over a year i don't know what caused it all i know is that i wasn't at home when it happened. I guess my anxiety is taking over my life lately i plan on telling my therapist, on Friday. He can help me get it under control. Recently my behavior has been pointed out as being mean and i have to apologize for not being honest to begin with about how i feel i normally am. I nearly lost something and someone dear to me. I guess the point is to be who you are and be honest about it I don't always feel like talking i should have made that clear and i will. I guess we have to do what we don't feel like doing in order to be a better friend or whatever else it is that we are suppose to be. I went to bed at five in order to avoid dealing with my feeling now i up at one writing this. I hope to improve things in my life be better than what they have been. I love the people in my life very much i have to point that out. Someone a friend told me yesterday that the only approval we need is from God i guess i get of course a little when sometimes i feel that i need to have my friends and family's approval if i care about you i want you to be ok with who i am even though i know that this is wrong now if your a stranger i could care less about what you think i know that might make me a snob or maybe something worse but as i get older i see that you cant please people just try to please God. Just learn from my mistake if you have something to say just say it and if you cant be what someone else wants you to be let them know it up front so things don't blow up like they almost did for me. And to the people in my life if i let you down just let me know if i am not always on my best behavior. I cant change everything about me for everybody but i can try to do the right thing and take the high road as i have read on someones blog recently. I didn't do that yesterday and i am sorry for it. even though the other person wasn't not exactly wrong. I will get off here tonight and try to find something to do until 8 this morning and go to a job i love and do not want to loose even if i don't get paid i nearly lost it and it has scared me so i have some changes to make and i will do my best to make them.